She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
