We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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