can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
