i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
