Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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