my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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