My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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