she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
