then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
