If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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