Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
