Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
