Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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