A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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