So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
