i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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