ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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