I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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