so that wasnt chicken after all
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
