Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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