they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
