Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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