It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
