He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
