I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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