there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
