We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
