i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're like the curious george of whores
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
