it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
