So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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