dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
