Duck Duck Cougar?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
