i just sent this text using only my big toe
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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