i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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