i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
