Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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