She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
