I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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