based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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