found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
