It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
