i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
