GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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