That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
