one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
