She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
