Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
