Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
