This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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