I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm passing your future prison.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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