My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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