so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
