I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize