I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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