Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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