That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
