She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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