I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
