I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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