After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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