I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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