I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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