His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
being pregnant is like rehab
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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