I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
