I need help removing her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
