Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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