I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
