you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
