I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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