OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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