from now on my penis is your penis
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's shark week go big or go home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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