Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
