nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
