I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
