Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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