i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
